where in this raging party can you step without getting all the messages crossed? i seem to reflect and deflect and rarely connect. someday i will tap into those wires wrapped in cold plastic rolls and we will say "hello how r u?' "i am fine" it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter all the time. headlights on the bright side slowly veering off the right side the road is coming up upon me pretty fast. well this isn't like the movies THIS ISN'T LIKE THE MOVIES i don't feel brave and no one's watching me. well if this screen could give me answers to a couple different questions that i have about the world... somewhere in the snow bound together 1 and 0 melt me in the glow...

black magic, snap snap, black magic, boom clap, black magic, whip snap. i'll come into your life and then i'll disappear like a black magic ship that i commandeer rather than push and shove or stick around here. i flick shoulders made of chips knocking off a few every year. take good care or yourself, drink and drink to your health, cut a new hole in your belt, or lay me across the back of your neck like an expensive pelt. i'm not a heavy coat to keep you warm in the cold. i'm not a hood above your head when it rains; it gets old. i'm a black magic boat, sails collapsed at the folds. i'm not trying to hurt you, really, you can't say you weren't told. the steel hull is sea foam lined, the steady sway is a friend of mine. anchors and dock ties in everyone's arms, throw one on my deck and despite your charm i might be hard to find.

sun-stained polaroids from thirty years ago don't remind me of 1970. the sweatshirt on my back was on the vintage rack but my mother's youth wasn't in them the whole time it was right here. turn off the light there's a switch on the wall we're going to be o.k. hold onto the wall or whatever you can find. these things happen all the time. the bus stop isn't empty there's a girl with a green beret reading books on nihilism and sartre and i'm stoned as hell so i couldn't tell but i thought i saw her whispering "these are things i need to feel o.k." "i need to see i.d. you see the boss makes me" i lost my wallet out of town i swear i am 18. "sorry it's the rules." embarrassed i walk away. i buy smokes here everyday!

try to focus now the floorboards are peeling away. plucking carpet staples with precision inter-lay. i would beg you to try to focus now not on the warm glow between your eyelids and the sun nor on temptation as she begs you for another one. there are expectations of your character if you expect anything at all. like learning not to intake underwater hold your lungs. i didn't hold my lungs to stay floating at the break whether you be a mother or a father a lover or a daughter memory is objective for education's sake. accordingly you're on the floor wobbly on your knees. (try to focus now squint away the purple floaties) stand up and wait for the darkness as it pours over like a cracked egg.

i saw you laying in the grass by the pool and I wanted to touch to you. it's not my usual reaction. ...perhaps a minute felt more like a day? and in that moment of our love we saw the sun's rays gleaming through seven feet of moving water dancing across our skin for the rest of our lives. for the rest of our lives.

someone somewhere south of here lit a fire up under the sea the fuel it's burning pouring out in dollars constantly. i wonder when the gasoline is gonna come out of the soda machine. are the nanites gonna end up in my sprite? because sometimes it keeps me up all night. i jump out of my skin and i stand up in my fright. i run downstairs with my no-skin bared and i'm see-through and out of sight. i seep in between everything. no matter i don't feel a thing. i go and i see what i want to see if only in my dreams. i seep in between everything if only in my dreams. shoes shirt jeans and a backpack on unlock the bike and i'm going to work where i make $8.60 and sometimes it's tricky but i'm stoked and i'm making it work. i flew a sign the other day on the exit of the freeway it was insightful and i looked at the way others felt around me at another time on another day. And i'm inking mark-ups and information an old farmer's almanac on a modern kid's skin to tell the story from way back after the meaning has sunken in and we'll finally see through the crack where the sun's been shining in.

baby this is the jump off and i'm getting on with it. twisty fingers in the night your brand new boots are leaving a stripe across the shiny floor of the video store because they're playing boogie nights. and i wanna get down in the nasty way tongue in cheek. let's bike downtown! we'll put our faith in jack and reefer to guide us home or not. it's someone else's problem if we're not "o.k." so shake your ass when you peddle uphill keeping me motivated breaking my will hold tight to your laurels or you're gonna get fucked because i'm betting on your body and i'm pressing my luck. i'm not one to stare and i'm not really one to care anymore about bullshit antics or romance panic because right now i'm going dancing and by tonight you'll hear me drunk sing which is sexy if you're listening and kind of ugly if you're watching. you think i'm a boy in my old man sweater but girl perhaps you'll like this better i don't need a dick i'm cocky enough and there's a couple other reasons come on give it up.

oh on that day when i felt you go you were asking for forgiveness.. i miss the simplicity that happiness was not the pursuit but the multiplying product of being alive. but in this town nobody knows your name. i wait for people to look at my blue eyes like they used to and see you but i'm the only one here who knows you, who learned from you. i wish that i could hear you because i'm starting to forget what you sounds like and now the arteries that lined your hands like subways are wrapping the same way around mine. i wish i could talk to you. i wish i could hear you. Tell me that there is something that makes this all make sense. i wish i could talk to you i wish i could hear you i wish i could make this all make sense. and while my skin is pulling and tugging the knots and kinks out i don't feel you at all. i don't feel you near me at all.

heart beats blood hard into the brain sucking back bad blood, goes from ventricle - vein, you say, "i got broke bones" but it's only a sprain, no one can see you through like i do; you say my vision's x-ray. if that were the case, well, i'd rest my case, lay it to rest on the place where the cancer had a face, where i began this chase. looking over your body to find some little piece of me that i left behind, i don't know what it looks like, but it shouldn't be far from your mind. dig through you to find a needle in the scarecrow, search high and low, no use to hide it in the marrow. i'm going to rip into, like through an apple with an arrow, william tell into your heart so narrow and take back what i misplaced from mine.

I'd rather sleep with you on the bright side of the curtains hanging up in the middle of our apartment but i can handle it being friends and closing my door. pushed a finger in the wounds come in all different shapes and sizes, and i like touching you but the callous isn't only on your skin. and i wasn't interested, or i was distracted, when at first i knew this side of you; i was in it too. and that little black ball of relief turned into a raging, orange ball of hate in me and nothing would make the sun shine brighter in portland, oregon than if all the poppies went extinct. i don't feel broken by my feelings anymore just know they cramp like muscles on a long run when i'm supposed to pay attention. so i'm going to with my shivering, seizing gut and tell you as a friend that i've loved you for a long time. eighty dollars a day for a fucking sense of calm is a hefty price to pay, it's something i understand and i don't like seeing you sweat when i'm not.

i assemble and reassemble all the words to make your body tremble trip the words off my lips the drum hit makes you move your hips curl my back hard and release it. got life and bullshit twisted tighter than a sailor's knot. i'm watching them cooking up their shots shit son that would hit the spot you know i'm only smoking pot now my mind wanders off sometimes you know... ah shit i forgot. so where was i? the part where the artist tries to teach a lesson to the audience? how do you think i'm doing without a bottle beneath my chin? all i know with confidence is that i'm working as hard as i can slaying buds like a trained assassin at least i have passion. one black cat balled up beneath me on the couch and all my stuff is compact-able into a small size truck i'm hoping i can keep it together long enough to get down the i-5 south where the angels say "fuck the rest get down it's your glitter that litters the ground." I know where it comes from i know where you've been followed the trail of bread crumbs since i was a kid and i can hear the crackers crumble when you're back stepping in it so don't try and lie about it because i'm hip to that shit. there's nothing worse like teeth cracking on pits lies are like the risk you take when eating fresh fruit off the vine. my mind can go all night all hours aware of all the signs pinching my pen humming in time spit ink in lyrics loops and chords stuck in my mind. pigma micron pens i bought to lift my spirits i'm drawing on the elevation inspiration humming loud i can feel it. masturbation a few doors down i can hear it. i'm not sick but with my skin tone i can appear it. concentration on the finer things i can fake it better than i should and i relate it to learning lies pay young. it's pretty basic. i bike 17 miles 6 days a week you know i'm making cash money because that living ain't cheap not when it takes me one day to smoke an eighth of weed unless you're working that hustle and you've got everything you need then make that cash run the way it ought to be made got a lot of people wanting product state of jefferson grade. pull a g.b. to get fucked play guitar to get laid all the faggots in this city still trying to get paid for wearing american apparel head to toe and crusty metal kids squall until your heart bleeds cholula the next dopest hippest motherfucker nobody cooler. it's all a big joke to me so if you like the way i sing hire me. been doing this since i could count to three i play whatever key so long as the venue is free. if you know me you'll agree: fast life or small pond this music's in my blood my body and bones are just the staff and notes. i just have to let it be.

So you say you're mother's smart and she'll know if i've got heart so we go to your house to your room music playing your hips swaying to the tune but me myself i'm nervous watch the words that part your lips "i hope you stay here tonight" no one is perfect smoker's cough a poor sense of direction. I ain't got nothing but a heart to love with. i haven't practiced tact but i guess i'll try it. there's so much to learn and i can't control it: i've got a damn good feeling about this. i'm nervous.

every time see your face the day becomes less daunting and even though i know my place thoughts of heaven are haunting. i see god and angels their images blurred your face and theirs from the things i've heard but when it comes to the chorus the choir holds out. i guess i haven't told them what to sing about. so hold your hand in mine today with the knuckles bent and the fingers splayed hold my hand and we'll stumble through the woods. i want to believe in something and you're the thing i could. i'd show you the oceanside from a place on the sand. i'd show you the sunset over the oregon land. i'd show you the place where i was born but all these things have changed all my maps are torn.